A conflict between girls, or between girls and Guiders can quickly derail the fun at our meetings. However, conflicts, and learning to deal with them appropriately, are one of the natural outcomes of group activities.
This can be particularly true in the north, where small communities put us in close contact with the same people in multiple situations - at school, work, and recreational activities. When conflicts arise in our Units, dealing with them calmly, fairly and consistently can help resolve them quickly before they escalate into more serious problems.
One tool for conflict resolution is the use of "I-Statements". This shifts the focus from the assumed thoughts of the listener to the feelings and beliefs of the speaker. Shifting focus to the speaker's thoughts and feelings allows them to make more assertive statements without creating a confrontational tone.
To use I-Statements, ask everyone to complete three simple thoughts:
1) When you ____________________________(describe a specific action that hurt you)
2) I feel ________________________________(say your feeling)
3) Because _____________________________(why the action made me feel this way)
Here’s an example:
Instead of saying "Susie stole my iPod".
1) When you use my iPod without permission,
2) I feel upset,
3) because it was a gift from my Grandmother and I worry about losing it.
To use I-Statements effectively, remember to avoid using people's names (to reduce hurt feelings), focus on the facts and feelings of the current situation, and practice! No one deals with conflict perfectly every time. It is a skill we build through practice, just like any other.
For more on I-Statements, including activities and tips for introducing them in your Unit check out this awesome activity pack from the Girl Scouts USA "Ban Bossy" Program.
Share your tips for conflict resolution in the comments!
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